i would punch a child for taco bell
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
