ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
