Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize