woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
