I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
