she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
