i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
