ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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