My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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