I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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