i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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