I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
