"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
