I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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