you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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