6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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