She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
