SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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