doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
