i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
