Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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