im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
