dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
