i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
