I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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