My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
