I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
