I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want nice things and good sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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