i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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