When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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