Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
