Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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