So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
