Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
