shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
