YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
