Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize