I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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