I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize