Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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