This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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