All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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