Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
