just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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