It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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