he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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