Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
