dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
