I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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