I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
