My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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