So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
