I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm like, not good at living.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
