i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
God, I missed his penis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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