Umm I'm too high to move.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
