I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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