dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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